{"id":25,"date":"2013-01-18T17:56:01","date_gmt":"2013-01-18T07:56:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/?p=25"},"modified":"2013-01-18T17:56:01","modified_gmt":"2013-01-18T07:56:01","slug":"25","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/?p=25","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">I started off this day NEEDING to hear a certain song. Like, as soon as I got to work I whipped open Youtube and plugged in. It\u2019s all in keeping with the stupidly antsy feeling I\u2019m still carrying over from New Years. Yep, this emotional hangover has been a doozy, but I\u2019m justifying it to myself by saying that it\u2019s important to question who you are, where you\u2019re going with life etc every so often.<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/wyRvO8xfMAI\" height=\"315\" width=\"420\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">Don\u2019t get me wrong, most of the time I\u2019m floating along happy to view these issues from a far off, safe place, but I do revisit them every now and then. I\u2019m feeling all weird and unsettled.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">I think the main reason is that we\u2019ve reached a bit of a milestone. We\u2019re talking about having a baby this year. I wait for the collective gasp and then have to remind myself to get it together, because I\u2019m turning 31 this year and that\u2019s in no way an inappropriately young age to procreate. But it kind of feels like it is. I honestly feel too young to be a parent. I\u2019m told \u2018everyone\u2019 feels this way, but most of the mums I know are pretty mature and not like me at all.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">This is where I came to the conclusion that the reason I\u2019m feeling weird isn\u2019t because I\u2019m not ready, but because I have no <i>role models<\/i> in this area. I mean, I have stupid role models- Kat Stratford, Lindsay Weir, Angela Chase. In case you\u2019re wondering, these are all fictional high school television\/movie characters. The problem is, I can relate to these girls so well- but what I want to know is WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!?!? Is this stupid to be so unsure of yourself and who you are? I realise these are shockingly self indulgent things to get caught up in- but these are the first world problems I grapple with.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">I also don\u2019t have people I can really relate to that have children. While I love my sisters-in-law to death- they aren\u2019t in remotely similar careers to me, and also fit very much into the \u2018mature\u2019 mold that I am rashly placing everyone that doesn\u2019t look at fictional high schoolers for life advice into. None of our friends have children, so that makes it seem even more of a void, where once we enter we will become different somehow. I just don\u2019t know anyone with young children that I look at and think- \u2018I\u2019d like a similar model for my own life\u2019 or even \u2018this is sort of what our life will look like with kids\u2019. I know what I don\u2019t want, but in terms of how we make our lives work with a kid, I just cannot picture it. Or if I do, it\u2019s a sad, depressing place where I spend a lot of time cleaning and become a shadow of myself.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">I shared these feelings with Husband (poor, poor Husband). He, kind of beautifully, told me that maybe I am going to have to be that person for other people, and just pave the way for myself. I\u2019m not a fan of this option, but I guess that\u2019s the way it\u2019s gonna be. So this year we plunge into the great unknown. And while it almost feels like \u2018giving up\u2019 to finally admit that it\u2019s time for kids, I\u2019m really hoping it turns out to be a super fun adventure that I totally didn\u2019t expect.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" align=\"left\">xfez<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I started off this day NEEDING to hear a certain song. Like, as soon as I got to work I whipped open Youtube and plugged in. It\u2019s all in keeping with the stupidly antsy feeling I\u2019m still carrying over from &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/?p=25\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,3],"tags":[13,14],"class_list":["post-25","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-junior-burgers","category-musings","tag-kids","tag-role-models"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25\/revisions\/26"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ferriswhitney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}